The first episode will be set on Earth, and feature an easily defeated alien, at the end of which the Doctor will grin and say something intelligent like, "Let's go search out space!"
The second (or possibly third) episode will be set in the last, ooh, 400 years of English history or so, and feature a historical figure of some import, who will aid the Doctor but not necessarily like him.
The third (or possibly second) episode will then be set approximately 123 bazillion years in the future but still feature 21st century cultural references.
The fourth and fifth episodes will be a mildly entertaining but ultimately forgettable two-parter which will make bits of itself unexpectedly felt later on in the season, much to nobody's shock.
The sixth episode will be a pile of crap, with a seemingly meaningless macguffin which, again, will make its present felt at the end of the season.
The seventh episode will be set in 50s Britain but still feature 21st century cultural references. And everyone will be gay.
The eighth and ninth episodes will again be two parters, reaffirming everyone's love of Doctor Who and reminding them just how much they love this series. It will not be written by Russel T. Davies.
The tenth episode, although YET AGAIN set in modern England, will follow this trend.
The eleventh episode will be a musical. Yes, a musical. Featuring singing Daleks, rapping Cybermen and the unexpected* return of Alexi Sayle's DJ character, reanimated from the dead so that we can all enjoy seeing him get killed again.
The final two episodes, written by Russel T. Davies, will be some of the best written television in the history of Doctor Who. Hah! Just kidding. They'll be okay, and leave people thinking "Well, it could have been better, but at least it wasn't as bad as that first two parter." It will end with a short fat man and a tall skinny man appearing in the middle of the TARDIS in the middle of a heated discussion. The Doctor will perplexedly shout "What?!?" followed by an overly complicated routine involving Timelords, baseball and people with stupid names.
The Christmas Episode will have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, but it will still feature robotic Santas and pointless (but fun) explosions, and a totally meaningless and depressing "poignant" moment near the end, before we're all reminded that the true meaning of Christmas is that it never really snows unless the Doctor makes it snow.
*Well, it was unexpected. Until now.