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Sound and Fury
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Bruce Greenwood's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
6:51 am
"I have encountered terrible smoking people demanding directions from me. They were unsatisfied with my directions."

She stared at the monsters for a moment, unable to quite process what they'd asked. June wasn't sure what unsettled her most about the three creatures - the way they had all spoken at the same time, but not in unison, that they looked cobbled together out of pantomime monsters mixed with nightmares, or that they reeked strongly of charred meat and oozed smoke out of pretty much everywhere. It could have just been the way they looked so out of place standing in front of a coffee shop on a busy city street.
"Miss?" Said the lead monster, the most human-looking of the three by virtue of default alone. "Do you know where 48 Milward Place is?"
"Um." They were large smoking monsters. Should she really be giving them directions? Some poor sod might get killed or eaten (which technically was the same thing) based on what she said. Possibly herself. "Well, um…"
The smallest of the three with the horse's head and the extra arm glared at her. "It's a simple yea or nay question, madam. We're due to perform a scrooging in ten minutes and someone -" here he shot a dirty look at the third member of their group, a faceless cowled monstrosity that somehow managed to give the impression of being embarrassed. " - someone forgot the map."
"Oh. Right, sorry, you just startled me. Which I suppose is good, considering that you're… well, you guys. Milward Place is three blocks nor-"
The cloaked monster gave a slight howl and started to shimmer. Horsehead patted it on the shoulder while the humanoid one gave her a look.
"It would be best if you could avoid specific or Euclidean directions. They make us… uncomfortable."
June stated for a second without commenting. "Um, okay… I could show you directions on my phone, if that would help?"
Horsehead turned one eye on her. June tried not to yelp.
"So, how can I help then?"
The humanoid sighed. "Directions to or from the fey are best passed on in riddle and rhyme."
June paused for a moment to see if the universe would decide to make sense for a change. When it didn't she took a deep breath and thought for a moment.
"Okay, so…

To reach 48 Milward Place,
With sunset to the left you must face.
Travel twice 'cross the tar
That is ruled by the car
Count two score and and eight doors in that place.

The three monsters stared at June in shock. The hooded one finally spoke in a voice that sounded like scratched helium. "That was a limerick! She… you gave us a bloody limerick? What the hell are-"
Horsehead sighed and walked away, gently pulling the shouting hooded monster along.
The humanoid rubbed its forehead and offered June what may have been a smile. "It's traditional for any boon that is done to us be offered recompense, but… well, it was a limerick, so forget it."
With that the monster turned and walked off.
June sighed and continued to wait for her bus.
Monday, May 9th, 2011
8:22 am
Department of Intergalactic Health Services?

Dean of Important Historal Stuff?

Dragons Ingest Human Scum?

Doctor, I Has Snuffedit?

Demonically Incorporated Hit Squad?

Bureau of Extremely Poor Acronyms?
Thursday, May 5th, 2011
7:27 pm
The World's Most Cancelled Superheroes
The world is in peril from Mr Somebody, and the only way the Doom Patrol can defeat him is to do what they do best! Get cancelled.

Yes, the Doom Patrol have been shitcanned yet again. Far out. How many times does this make it? Even the Great Lakes Avengers (now there's a crossover for you) seem to last longer than these guys.

Ah well, give it a few years and maybe they'll bring it back as DC's first webcomic.

Jeeze. How many bloody Justice Bunch comics do we get, and yet the Doom Patrol gets no love...
Monday, May 2nd, 2011
8:54 am
In chaos find everything
I was looking at a Mandelbrot Set generator and noticed something I'd never seen before - strange, star-like dots hidden in the blackness. I zoomed in to find out what they were, then realised and brushed the dust off my monitor.

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, April 9th, 2011
8:55 pm
Telemarketer Baiting
So I get this call. Right away I know it's a telemarketer because the phone rings that weird ring that happens after you pick up the phone.

"Hello, can I please speak to Mr K Fietz?"

What the heck, I'm bored, and I know what's coming, so...

"Yes, can I help you?"

"Mr Fietz, I'm calling from the computer repairs department."

"Oh! Okay, how can I help you?"

"Mr Fietz, your computer may have some security flaws. We need you to read us a special code on your computer so that we can see if it's sending out false information. It may be out of warranty and..."

"Oh, okay, let me just go and turn on my computer."

"Alright, I'll wait on hold."

I put the phone in the sock drawer and walk away for three minutes.

I come back. She's still on the phone. I must admit I'm kind of impressed.

"Let me go and turn on my computer!"

I pull out my daughter's Disney Princess Magical Music Laptop. It has an LED screen with red backlights and plays plastic CDs.

"Can you see a button that says 'Start' on your screen?"

"Um... no, it says 'Letter Pairs'".

"... do you know which version of Windows you're using?"

"It's a laptop."

"No, your computer, not laptop."

"Yes, it's a Disney Princess Musical Magic Laptop."

She doesn't hang up at this point.

"Can you tell me what's on the bottom left of your keyboard?"

"A little button that when you press it opens a tray to put music in."

"...no, what version of Windows are you using? What does it say on your screen?"

"'Choose Shoes'".

"Just a minute, let me get my supervisor."

Humdehumdum hum de hum hum hum...

"Hello, this is Barry." His name is clearly not Barry. "Can I just get you to tell me what version of Windows you are using?"

"Right now it says 'Letters'. Oh, now it says 'Choose shoes' again."


That was far too much fun.
Monday, September 1st, 2008
12:04 am
Bruce turns 100000
Yep, I'm 32. Hopefully my midlife crisis is a few years ahead of me, but according to my Wii Fit (one of my gifts) I'm actually 51... I think I need to cut down on the overeating. :P
Friday, August 22nd, 2008
11:25 am
Truly weird moment
I just heard "I'm a little teapot" to the tune of "We will rock you"*. One of the truly bizarre moments of parenthood...

*Yay for pointless links to things everyone knows about!
Thursday, August 21st, 2008
3:32 pm
So Madison (my four-year old daughter) had just finished dinner, and wanted a banana. "Daddy, I want a banana."

"I want never gets."

"Daddy, can I please have a banana?"

Shouting to the lounge room, where Kelly is nursing Jade Louise (my 14-day old bubbagirl) - "Mummy, can she have a banana?"

Returned shout: "Yes!"

"Okay, sweetheart, here's your banana." I peeled the banana and handed it to her. She frowned.

"Daddy, it's supposed to be in a bowl!"

"...you don't need a bowl for a banana, sweetheart."

"But my fingers will get sticky!"

I sighed, reached over the oven and pulled out a plastic bowl with Shrek on it. Or possibly kittens. Something my in-laws had given her, so sickeningly cutesy, but hey, we didn't pay for it. I broke the banana in half and put it in the bowl.

"The bits are too big."

I broke the bits in half again.

"Daddy, you're supposed to cut them!"

"It's fine, sweetheart."


At this point I snapped. I snatched the bowl off her, and to her screams and tears, I ate her banana. Every bite.

Then Kelly came in and cut up a banana for her and gave her a fork.

This story seemed much funnier before I wrote it down...
Sunday, July 6th, 2008
8:04 pm
Wall*E starts September 18 in Australia.

It has been playing in cinemas across the USA since June 27 and will be released on DVD in November (in the USA, at least).

What the hell is wrong with these idiots? Are they *that* determined to make sure that this becomes the Most Pirated Movie of all time?
Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
11:57 pm
Idiot stick
True story, this.

Last night after work, I got to Macarthur station, got off the train and mosied (moseyed?) on over to where I'd parked my car that morning. I found the passenger side door unlocked, and feeling a tad silly, put my stuff inside (laptop and backpack) and locked the door. I then went around to the driver's side, and for some reason the key wasn't working.

It was, of course, at this point that I noticed my car. 5 meters or so away.

So, I got to wait about 2.5 hours for the owner of the car (a young lady on a night out with her girlfriend) to finish watching a movie, at which point I explained to them that I was not a crazed lunatic but instead merely a fuckwit. I retrieved my stuff and drove home, very tired and rather depressed.

True story, that.
Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
12:00 am
Apple TV
I may be missing something here. iTunes has a service (unavailable in Australia, naturally, because Apple doesn't want our filthy shiny plastic money or something(yes, our actual cash money is plastic in Australia(yes, I am using nested parentheses))) whereby you can temporarily rent a movie which you must then watch within 24 hours. This is, according to some sources (including this one) a Bad Thing.

Excuse me, but isn't this the same model that Blockbuster, Video Ezy and practically every other video rental company has used for years? What am I missing here? Please, somebody, enlighten me. Oh, and I use QuickFlix, so I understand that DVD rental has undergone something of a revolution, but still, I comfoozed. I'd say "please explain", but that phrase carries unfortunate connotations downunda.

Current Mood: confused
Sunday, March 16th, 2008
4:30 pm
Yay! I've got a facebook! Um...
...now what the hell am I supposed to do with the damn thing?


Right. Okay. Um, it's "Bruce Greenwood", like the semi-famous Canadian actor, except without the semi-famous or Canadian parts. I guess that would have made it easier to find me, huh...
Thursday, December 27th, 2007
12:10 am
Stuff I'm interested in
I read a hell of a lot of webcomics and listen to more than a few podcasts. I don't read as many journals as I probably should, or books for that matter... anyway, here's a few choice bits of fascination for you, some which are (I believe) relatively well known, others which may have escaped your notice but deserve your attention.

The Mansion of E by Robert M. Cook

Four and a half years in, and we're halfway through the second day. This one's not just deep, folks, it's wide, with events and characters that weave through and around each other. Set in, around and mostly below the titular mansion, this is ostensibly the story of two brothers, Sylvester and Mortimer, and the strange girl Mortimer brings to the mansion one day, Rosemary Ripley. While they may be by and large the catalysts for the story, it's by no means their story alone - which is fortunate, given that whole months can go by with nary a peep from these characters. A fascinating fantasy set in a post cataclysmic world, you'll lose hours to this one when you first find the archives, and then wait eagerly for the next installment.

Girl Geniusby Phil and Kaja Foglio

Readers of the somewhat defunct Dragon Magazine may recognise the name Phil Foglio, who drew the popular What's New? comic for many a year. Now with his wife Kaja (who probably had more than a little to do with "What's New?", but what the hell do I know?) he's created a gaslamp fantasy world ruled (badly) by Mad Science, with the heroine Agatha Heterodyne figuring out her place in the world - which may be, much to everyone's (including Agatha's) dismay, the top.

Decoder Ring Theatre

Full-cast audio dramas in the style of yesteryear! Well, that's what they are. Stop looking at me like that. The Red Panda adventures and Black Jack Justice are their longest ongoing serieses- seriess- ...serials, and feature a cast of talented performers who bring these fun and exciting stories to life. Truly good stuff.

Space Casey by Christiana Ellis

A cracking space-adventure featuring a conwoman whose crooked schemes would make Han "I shot first" Solo or Sam Gunn think "hey, I wish I'd thought of that". It all starts when Casey steals the wrong ship from the wrong... well... "man" at the wrong time, and of course it all gets worse from their. The only question is who it's gotten worse for...


So there you have a potted list. There's other stuff, of course, but it's well past bedtime, so have a good night! (Oh, and I got Season 1/Season 27 for Christmas. Woohoo!)
Sunday, December 16th, 2007
2:43 pm
At 6 weeks
One more addition to the population explosion, August 12 2008.
Friday, December 7th, 2007
10:55 pm
Not much to talk about, really. I go to work very early, come home a little late, play repetitive online games until far too late, then stumble off to bed...

I've been wanting to write more. It's a matter of actually doing it, I guess. I didn't even pretend to try to enter NaNoWriMo this year. I'm yet to finish watching the last couple of SJS stories, but I've really enjoyed it (it's actually more like old Doctor Who than Doctor Who is in some ways... especially the very creaky, wobbly and quite spectacularly craptastical (yet wonderful) Mr. Smith) and hope that it continues.

I've also been missing Heroes, which is a damn shame, but I hope to catch up. Madison (who's now 3!) has swimmming lessons tomorrow and will also have photos with Santa.

Life continues apace. I'm catching up with it, though...
Sunday, November 25th, 2007
10:17 am
Not dead yet
I'm alive! I'm currently working for CBA, and spend a lot of my free time trying to catch up from about a month behind on my webcomic feeds(warning - this link is an RSS feed!). I've tried to drop in to #drwhochat every now and then, but that seems to have died... I'd like to create a couple more entries for Uncyclopedia every now and then, but I need some fresh ideas. I guess I need to start reading again, but it's so much easier to listen to podcasts on the train... the iPod's in my pocket, so when I fall asleep (it's a 2 hour train journey!) it doesn't fall to the ground like a book does.

Or maybe I just need to read better books.

The car I thought I'd wrecked by crashing into someone worked fine. Until, of course, I blew it up by not putting water into it. So driving is currently impossible for me... le sigh. I wish I had someone to blame.

Oh, and we got a new boss of the country yesterday. Hurrah. I'm sure that he'll make massive, sweeping changes to the things that really matter, like making sure that the names of various unpopular policies are no longer used.
Monday, July 2nd, 2007
8:29 pm
So, my theory so far for Season 4 of Doctor Who is as follows - MASSIVE NON-SPOILER ALERT!

The first episode will be set on Earth, and feature an easily defeated alien, at the end of which the Doctor will grin and say something intelligent like, "Let's go search out space!"

The second (or possibly third) episode will be set in the last, ooh, 400 years of English history or so, and feature a historical figure of some import, who will aid the Doctor but not necessarily like him.

The third (or possibly second) episode will then be set approximately 123 bazillion years in the future but still feature 21st century cultural references.

The fourth and fifth episodes will be a mildly entertaining but ultimately forgettable two-parter which will make bits of itself unexpectedly felt later on in the season, much to nobody's shock.

The sixth episode will be a pile of crap, with a seemingly meaningless macguffin which, again, will make its present felt at the end of the season.

The seventh episode will be set in 50s Britain but still feature 21st century cultural references. And everyone will be gay.

The eighth and ninth episodes will again be two parters, reaffirming everyone's love of Doctor Who and reminding them just how much they love this series. It will not be written by Russel T. Davies.

The tenth episode, although YET AGAIN set in modern England, will follow this trend.

The eleventh episode will be a musical. Yes, a musical. Featuring singing Daleks, rapping Cybermen and the unexpected* return of Alexi Sayle's DJ character, reanimated from the dead so that we can all enjoy seeing him get killed again.

The final two episodes, written by Russel T. Davies, will be some of the best written television in the history of Doctor Who. Hah! Just kidding. They'll be okay, and leave people thinking "Well, it could have been better, but at least it wasn't as bad as that first two parter." It will end with a short fat man and a tall skinny man appearing in the middle of the TARDIS in the middle of a heated discussion. The Doctor will perplexedly shout "What?!?" followed by an overly complicated routine involving Timelords, baseball and people with stupid names.

The Christmas Episode will have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, but it will still feature robotic Santas and pointless (but fun) explosions, and a totally meaningless and depressing "poignant" moment near the end, before we're all reminded that the true meaning of Christmas is that it never really snows unless the Doctor makes it snow.

*Well, it was unexpected. Until now.
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
7:52 pm
Hideously sick
Madison was sick on Tuesday, poor little thing... she brought up her food a couple of times, but after that she was fine.

Kelly was sick yesterday, poor thing... she was sick all over her till at work, tried to keep working (she's stubborn like that at times) and eventually was sent home to recuperate. Of course, being the stubborn ass that she is, she decided to go back to work today... and was sent home before she could get hideously sick.

I got it today. The family that stays together gets sick together.

Oh, and as for the gym... my excuse (which is entirely valid, by the way) is that I have no money as I have no job. Hurrah. Word of warning... don't show webpages that you think are funny to your boss, if she's the kind of woman who would think that the Black Knight scene is "unsuitable for work and shows a disturbed mind".

Current Mood: sick
Monday, June 18th, 2007
5:11 pm
Lies, damn lies and resumes
A resume is a lose assortment of various words that could be construed as facts. I'm currently typing this into livejournal, and as I can use special things like this, I can feel as if I'm almost nearly being slightly honest when I add "Web page design" to my list of interests and leave HTML as one of my "skills".

I'm also starting to go to the gym. I did almost 15 minutes today... and probably nothing at all tomorrow. Oh well.
Friday, June 1st, 2007
12:03 pm
I'm gonna do it this time, honest! This isn't like the last two (three?) nanowrimo thingies, I'm really really gonna do it this time!

Yeah, I don't believe it either.

It's a mocumentary called "The Justice Bunch Origin Story". All I need now is plot, characters, setting, and everything else! Hurrah!
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